When someone dies, you are at your least capable, but this is when you have the most shit to do. Here’s all the stuff we needed to do, as Mum died at home.

>Get partners to post funeral clothes.

>Ask family members if they want to be contacted by email or by phone.

>Contact family members.

>Call nurse to verify death. Nurse gives you a certificate.

>Call a funeral home to take the body away and discuss date for ceremony.

>Give GP that cert so they can write another cert.

>Take that cert to the registry office (you only have 5 days to register a death, and you can’t make an appointment until you have the numbers from the GP)

>Decide what to do with body (burial, cremation…scattering? bury the ashes?)

>Choose flowers.

>Choose hymns.

>Choose order of service cards for guests.

>Chat with person who is leading service.

>Choose music.

>Talk to deceased’s solicitor

>Talk to neighbour about getting the house ready for sale.

>Check car insurance: how long is grace period? (I was a named driver on my Mum’s insurance. Turned out I could only drive the car for 7 days after she had died)

>talk to vicar about service

>Research local venues: do they have space? do they offer a buffet?

All this, while your brain feels foggy and you struggle to take a pizza out of the freezer and put it in the oven.

Still, the grief books I’ve been reading say that this time is not the “hardest” as you’re: in shock so it hasn’t hit yet, have a tonne of stuff to do to keep you’re mind off it, and people are still being nice to you.

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